I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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