Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize