omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
we're making bets on your personal life
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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