That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
