He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
