I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
