you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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