My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
