Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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