The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
she smelled like a LAN party
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
