i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
