Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
