I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
