and you said cock pushups were impossible
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
