i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Shame - the story of my life.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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