I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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