1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
