dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Randomize
