STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Your tits are I can't wait for
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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