I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Every concussion has its silver lining
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
