so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I came so hard my ears popped.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
