Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
