Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
