I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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