She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize