last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
