i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
