The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
