So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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