im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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