**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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