Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
