he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
