The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
