Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
