My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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