I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
