So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
