I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Rumble strips road head = magical
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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