She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
