I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
