yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
