im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
