Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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