Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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