Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Thank you for not boning my boss.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
