I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
