it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
the liver wants what the liver wants
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
