I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She's the barista slut.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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