I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It's rum buckets o'clock
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize