I can tuck mytits in my pants
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
