I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
