Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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