I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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