I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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