seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
