I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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