Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
