He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
