I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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