Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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