Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
