Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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