Are we in a gay sports bar?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
