I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
