I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
