dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
