I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
