KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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