he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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