she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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