Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
