I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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